Martin & Debbie: Part II
For Debbie and Martin, the Lord used the Internet to bring them together. This is part of a series of testimonies from former singles.
How did you know he/she was the "one"?
Martin: I prayed all of my life to find someone with the qualities and characteristics of Debbie. I pictured myself many times praying every morning with someone with the same desire to follow God every single day of our lives. I had a vision of sharing my life with someone with a sense of mission to impact the world in the name of Jesus. I believe I saw her face when I was in my teenage years. When I saw Debbie the first time, I felt the voice of God telling me: “stop your search, she is your other half”.
Debbie: I remember the exact moment. I gave him a ride to LAX as he was leaving for a mission trip to Guatemala for two weeks. Up until that point we were “just friends,” but we talked and saw each other daily. I can’t explain it but I started missing him just thinking about him being gone and I realized how much I grew fond of this person. The thought of him being out of touch for two weeks drove me crazy. I didn’t realize how much I had taken his friendship for granted.
Then while we were unloading his luggage out of my car we hugged good-bye and then it happened…..we kissed. It was so natural and then he literally had to run off because he was late. We missed each other terribly while he was gone. We officially got together when he returned. There is truth to that saying; ”You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone”.
Is he/she what you had expected? If not, how did you overcome those original expectations?
Martin: Debbie is what I have expected all of my life.
Debbie: Was Jesus what they expected? Martin did not arrive to our first date riding a donkey, but he was not what I expected. That old myth that we are attracted to our Father figure was very true for me. Unfortunately not a good thing since my dad was a professional body builder, womanizer and alcoholic. I grew up believing everything was about how things “appeared” and to brush problems under the carpet. This transferred on to my first marriage to a buff, wealthy, good looking man with an exciting job as a fire fighter. He made me feel validated because I was with him. Of course he didn’t know the Lord but I believed I was going to save him. I didn’t realize this minor technicality could possibly be that important. EH! Wrong answer! He was selfish and greedy and yep you guessed it, a big drinker. Six months in to the marriage he filed for divorce and I learned the hard way it’s easier to pull somebody down than to lift somebody up.
After seven years and much counseling, I met my husband Martin on line. Right away we were both comfortable sharing about the Lord. When we first met, my initial thought was “He has a twinkle in his eye." My second one was “Well he is kind of overweight and needs to shave that mustache.” I was not attracted to him at first but we had so much fun hanging out together and sharing about our love for Christ that we were always talking. Whenever I would go on other dates I would try to talk about the Lord but they didn’t have the same passion Martin and I had. This went on for about 6 months and along the way Martin had become one of my best friends. I was so blessed by his company that I almost hadn’t noticed all the weight he lost. He started taking care of his body and yep shaved his moustache.
Knowing what you know about marriage now, what would you have done differently as a single person?
Martin: I think I needed to be more patient and never compromise my faith in search of my future wife. When I married the first time, I lost my patience and I lowered my expectations. Now, I can see my wife and I can fully understand the lives of biblical figures like Abraham. God always wants the best for us; we just need to be patient.
Debbie: No Missionary dating. I believe even Christians can be “unequally yoked”. Just trust God 100% and always pray but remember to keep your mouth shut long enough to listen. ;o)
There are many women over 35, over 40, over 45 who read this blog. What advise would you give them about preparing for a husband? About waiting?
Martin: Look for someone who shares your faith and your desire for God. Never compromise your faith because when we compromise our faith, we bargain with our commitment with God. Don’t base your decisions on loneliness and desperation. At the same time, ask God for discernment to identify that person that would be your friend, your companion, your spouse, your life partner, your prayer partner, your lover, your support, someone who will be there for you in spite of any difficulty or obstacle.
Debbie: Don’t believe the myth “You need a significant other to be happy”. This is possibly the biggest lie out there and arguably the one that most of us believe. ANYBODY is NOT better than nobody. I like the way the Message Bible describes it in Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack, than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”
Don't get me wrong, a relationship with the right person is a wonderful experience and well worth the effort. But, if you're looking for someone to fill an empty spot in your heart, you're asking for trouble and will end up disappointed. If you're not happy with your life, now is a great time to look at the reasons why. Take a good long look at what you're really feeling. As Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge.” Work on your self-esteem so you do not easily compromise. Everything we do, (good and bad) begins with one little step. Have peace with yourself! If your opinion of yourself is healthy you are much better equipped to face whatever challenges the world throws at you. If you have low self-esteem (and many of us do) the first thing you need to realize is that you can't keep looking to other people to validate your existence. You must get to a place where you like yourself, by yourself, if you're going to make a relationship a success. If you rely on a partner, or a parent, or a boss for your self image you're putting a lot of power into the hands of another person. If your desire is to get married try to become a whole person. This is the only time two halves will not equal one, because the TWO became one.
How did you know he/she was the "one"?
Martin: I prayed all of my life to find someone with the qualities and characteristics of Debbie. I pictured myself many times praying every morning with someone with the same desire to follow God every single day of our lives. I had a vision of sharing my life with someone with a sense of mission to impact the world in the name of Jesus. I believe I saw her face when I was in my teenage years. When I saw Debbie the first time, I felt the voice of God telling me: “stop your search, she is your other half”.
Debbie: I remember the exact moment. I gave him a ride to LAX as he was leaving for a mission trip to Guatemala for two weeks. Up until that point we were “just friends,” but we talked and saw each other daily. I can’t explain it but I started missing him just thinking about him being gone and I realized how much I grew fond of this person. The thought of him being out of touch for two weeks drove me crazy. I didn’t realize how much I had taken his friendship for granted.
Then while we were unloading his luggage out of my car we hugged good-bye and then it happened…..we kissed. It was so natural and then he literally had to run off because he was late. We missed each other terribly while he was gone. We officially got together when he returned. There is truth to that saying; ”You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone”.
Is he/she what you had expected? If not, how did you overcome those original expectations?
Martin: Debbie is what I have expected all of my life.
Debbie: Was Jesus what they expected? Martin did not arrive to our first date riding a donkey, but he was not what I expected. That old myth that we are attracted to our Father figure was very true for me. Unfortunately not a good thing since my dad was a professional body builder, womanizer and alcoholic. I grew up believing everything was about how things “appeared” and to brush problems under the carpet. This transferred on to my first marriage to a buff, wealthy, good looking man with an exciting job as a fire fighter. He made me feel validated because I was with him. Of course he didn’t know the Lord but I believed I was going to save him. I didn’t realize this minor technicality could possibly be that important. EH! Wrong answer! He was selfish and greedy and yep you guessed it, a big drinker. Six months in to the marriage he filed for divorce and I learned the hard way it’s easier to pull somebody down than to lift somebody up.
After seven years and much counseling, I met my husband Martin on line. Right away we were both comfortable sharing about the Lord. When we first met, my initial thought was “He has a twinkle in his eye." My second one was “Well he is kind of overweight and needs to shave that mustache.” I was not attracted to him at first but we had so much fun hanging out together and sharing about our love for Christ that we were always talking. Whenever I would go on other dates I would try to talk about the Lord but they didn’t have the same passion Martin and I had. This went on for about 6 months and along the way Martin had become one of my best friends. I was so blessed by his company that I almost hadn’t noticed all the weight he lost. He started taking care of his body and yep shaved his moustache.
Knowing what you know about marriage now, what would you have done differently as a single person?
Martin: I think I needed to be more patient and never compromise my faith in search of my future wife. When I married the first time, I lost my patience and I lowered my expectations. Now, I can see my wife and I can fully understand the lives of biblical figures like Abraham. God always wants the best for us; we just need to be patient.
Debbie: No Missionary dating. I believe even Christians can be “unequally yoked”. Just trust God 100% and always pray but remember to keep your mouth shut long enough to listen. ;o)
There are many women over 35, over 40, over 45 who read this blog. What advise would you give them about preparing for a husband? About waiting?
Martin: Look for someone who shares your faith and your desire for God. Never compromise your faith because when we compromise our faith, we bargain with our commitment with God. Don’t base your decisions on loneliness and desperation. At the same time, ask God for discernment to identify that person that would be your friend, your companion, your spouse, your life partner, your prayer partner, your lover, your support, someone who will be there for you in spite of any difficulty or obstacle.
Debbie: Don’t believe the myth “You need a significant other to be happy”. This is possibly the biggest lie out there and arguably the one that most of us believe. ANYBODY is NOT better than nobody. I like the way the Message Bible describes it in Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack, than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”
Don't get me wrong, a relationship with the right person is a wonderful experience and well worth the effort. But, if you're looking for someone to fill an empty spot in your heart, you're asking for trouble and will end up disappointed. If you're not happy with your life, now is a great time to look at the reasons why. Take a good long look at what you're really feeling. As Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge.” Work on your self-esteem so you do not easily compromise. Everything we do, (good and bad) begins with one little step. Have peace with yourself! If your opinion of yourself is healthy you are much better equipped to face whatever challenges the world throws at you. If you have low self-esteem (and many of us do) the first thing you need to realize is that you can't keep looking to other people to validate your existence. You must get to a place where you like yourself, by yourself, if you're going to make a relationship a success. If you rely on a partner, or a parent, or a boss for your self image you're putting a lot of power into the hands of another person. If your desire is to get married try to become a whole person. This is the only time two halves will not equal one, because the TWO became one.
Labels: Testimonies
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home