When Josie Met Todd: Part II

This concludes our week-long series of testimonies from "former singles." I want to thank the three couples who contributed their stories to SinglesOutLoud. Through their stories, told with an open-heart, I have been encouraged and reminded of God's faithfulness!


My breaking up with Todd was always a pre-emptive strike to protect my
heart when Todd would question out loud whether or not he loved me,
felt "enough" passion for me or doubted that I was "the one." It was
deeply painful.

When Todd brought me flowers over the cedar fence, I had broken up
with him because I had no desire to plough through his commitment
issues any further. When he arrived, I was on the phone with a
girlfriend realizing that I was in fact screwed because I was deeply
in love with him.

Todd and I only talked about marriage after seven months. We hadn't
dug up the "relationship plant" every couple of weeks to see how it
was growing so after seven months we were able to rest on what it had
become.

Todd is immeasurably more than anything I could have expected. We do
love each other flaws and all, but he is much more forbearing than I
am.

Knowing what I know now about marriage five years on, I do recommend
old-fashioned courting. If a guy wants to ask you out, let him do it!
Don't exchange numbers. A guy needs to decide for himself that he is
really interested in you.

With the wisdom of hindsight, I can see in our dating relationship
that I unwittingly called Todd higher into the man I wanted him to be.
I broke up with him possibly in order to get him to step up to the
plate but without any definite expectation that he would. It wasn't a
game, I was setting a standard. On each occasion Todd came back
better than before. You get what you tolerate and you only have the
kind of leverage I had while you're dating.

Lastly, I am grateful that Todd and I did not have intercourse before
marriage. I had slept with Chris - a crisis decision to keep the
thing alive early on. That one-flesh bonding created a bondage that
made it almost impossible for me to leave a relationship I knew was
wrong - and I lost four years in the process.

Todd and I will be married five years in May. I don't know of any
other couple who have as much fun as we do. We drive each other crazy
and we love each other crazy. And we tell each other we love each
other at least ten times a day.

If you'd like to share your thoughts on this story....or share your story, click on the comment section below.

When Josie Met Todd: Part I

Josie shares lessons learned from her dating struggles and how she overcame the Peter Pan in her life.

I actually loved being single. I had a great circle of single friends
(both male and female) and we seemed to have a lot more fun than
several of the relationships around us. I am almost as much an
introvert as an extrovert so I loved the independence of doing what I
wanted, when I wanted, with whom I wanted - or without anyone! It
could be lonely however and I certainly struggled with that.

In my thirties I tried to make a relationship work for 5 years. We
got engaged in 3 weeks. Chris was a professor, I a grad student
though not one of his. The pressure to gain public respectability was
intense. We planned the wedding for 3 months hence. Within two
months the wheels came off. We called off the wedding and spent the
next four and a half years trying to recover. It was a ghastly saga.

I decided to take my hands off looking for a husband and pursue my
acting career.

When Todd, my future husband, did show up he was a delightful
surprise. He and I met at church. Todd was wearing funky specs and
I thought he was funny, but I thought nothing of it.

A few weeks later Todd invited me out for coffee. As we chatted I
noticed how much we had in common, what a good listener he is and how
funny, warm and smart.

At the time, I fancied myself a fortress. It was going to take an
impressive campaign to scale these walls and I was desperate not to
re-enact the previous fiasco.

To my surprise, Todd simply walked – nay, strolled – in. He had a key
to a door I didn't know existed. How did he manage it? Did I
mention that he's devilishly handsome as well as funny, warm, and
smart? Funny thing is I didn't feel as though I had lost control.
Todd in all his rascally-ness made me feel safe.

I stayed in the moment with Todd and didn't jump ahead to "what ifs."
I wanted to be courted and I wanted to give myself the freedom to
break up with Todd if I wanted to.

And I did. At least three times.

Tomorrow, Part II of how Josie dealt with "Peter Pan."

To leave your comments or questions, click the comment section below.

Confessions of a Recovering Peter Pan (Part II)

Excerpted from Todd Coleman’s upcoming book, “CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING PETER PAN.”

I’m standing at Josie’s front door, and the noise is deafening. The angel and devil on my shoulders have called in reinforcements—it’s like a Chuck Jones cartoon of a Tim LaHaye novel.

I look in the window—no Josie. I knock on the door—no answer. You see? Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I tiptoe up the concrete driveway, peer over the cedar fence into the back patio. Josie is on the phone smoking a cigarette (she doesn’t smoke). She looks awful, and has obviously been crying a long time.

I suddenly realize: I can still walk away unnoticed, make a clean getaway. I’ll continue to be happy, more or less, without Josie. I know how to “do single” after all these decades —I’m an expert.

On the other hand… I’ve already bought these flowers, driven all this way. My sister will kill me if I walk away from Josie, the “sister” she never had. Worse yet, my friends will write me off as “unmarriageable” and never introduce me to their cute friends again.

Moment of decision (sung by The Clash): “Should I stay or should I go?” In my mind, it is a hellishly pure, 50/50 moment. I want 51/49, some tiny sign from the Universe that will nudge me one way or the other. But the scales were perfectly—maddeningly—balanced. The Universe is no help at all. And my inner Peter Pan is screaming: “Fly away!!”

And yet, for reasons I can’t explain (uh, God?)… I slowly lift the flowers over the fence and reveal myself to Josie.

Suddenly I am overcome with sadness, seeing the pain I have caused Josie, if only by genetic male cluelessness. I walk through the cedar gate, and we merge wordlessly into each others’ arms, both of us very sad…and very happy.

Pause for effect, or handkerchiefs (clear throat, etc.).

I used to think that all men are commitment-phobic. Now I think: not all men—all boys.

Though I didn't realize it at the time, when I stepped through that wooden gate, I crossed the threshold from boy to man.

What’s the difference?

Boyhood is about dreams. A boy’s life is a vast, wide-open future of opportunity and freedom, especially freedom of choice. Boys never consider the “opportunity cost” of their decisions (“If this, then not that”). They somehow believe that they can have it all. And when they get old enough to do real damage to the ones they think they love, many of them—many of us—continue to hope and “believe” and wait for that "dream" girlfriend…wife, career, whatever. We avoid making grown-up, either/or choices, because we know that by choosing we could do mortal harm to that dreamy, fly-away boy and that perfect, blue-sky future.

A funny thing happened. After the cedar-fence moment, my fears of commitment disappeared. I didn’t even notice until months later that something had shifted. The thought of being truly known and loved became, well, bearable…then pleasurable…and finally, indispensable.

And when I finally fell to one knee on the beach where Josie and I had first kissed and I asked her to be the only woman in my life—for the rest of my life—it wasn’t a “brave” act of manly courage. It was what I wanted.

Josie wasn’t the “perfect” woman I’d spent years dreaming about. But she was perfect for me. And now, years later, there’s another perfect girl in the picture—a four-year-old charmer with her daddy’s nose and Josie’s crinkly smile.

So what’s the moral of this very true love story?

Freedom of choice is a crock. It is only by limiting our freedom—making present choices that limit our future choices—that we discover true freedom.

Or, if you prefer, the Digest version…

When in doubt, err on the side of love.

Especially if you’re 45.

Copyright © 2007 Todd Coleman todd@craftsmanpictures.com

Tomorrow, Josie (Todd’s wife) tells her story.

We want to hear your comments and questions—click on the word “Comments” below....

On the Fence: A True Peter Pan Story

There are countless books advising Christian singles on how to meet "the one." But this week Singlesoutloud continues with its series where Christian couples share their true stories of how the Lord answered their prayers for "the one." Not surprisingly, each story is unique. Many don't even fit into the "dating rules" found in books.

The following is excerpted from Todd Coleman's upcoming book, “CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING PETER PAN.”

Marriage is a very grown-up business. But what if you’re in love with (or at least dating) Peter Pan?

My wife was, or did…once upon a time. When we met five years ago I was a confirmed (but eligible) bachelor with all the right contradictions, at least for L.A.—sensitive but strong, single but wanting a family, artistic but heterosexual.

But (and there’s always a “but”)… I was barely making my rent as a starving writer (Strike One)… I had never been married, engaged, or even divorced (Strike Two)… and though I looked 32, I was in fact a whopping 45 years old (Danger, Wilma Robinson!).

But wait, it gets worse. Like a lot of charming, over-aged adolescents, I still hadn’t found the “perfect” woman—as if. I even had a Top Ten list of impossible things I was looking for in a wife—14, actually.

Blame it on Hollywood—the surgical fountain of youth, where even grandmothers are sexy. Tinseltown is the high-school version of Neverland, where Cool is King and you still get graded (A-list, B-list, C-list). Fame and fortune are only a phone call away, and you can die of encouragement—but you’ll look fantastic.

Do you believe in miracles? Here’s mine: Today, I am happily married to a beautiful and extraordinary English woman; I am the father of a gorgeous girl and little boy; and—gasp—I am a homeowner. (Oops, I mean “we” are homeowners; bachelor habits die hard).

Somewhere between Point A and Point B was a learning curve so steep that it was like an Indian rope trick—or so says my English father-in-law today.

How did this Peter Pan learn to shed his boyish shadow? How and why would any of us charming rogues want to trade in Neverland for the Real World?

It all happened on one of those unpleasant occasions when Josie broke up with me—in this case, by email. I had foolishly tried to “work though” my commitment fears using that same instant miscommunication device, and she wanted nothing to do with it.

I’m not sure who was more crushed by the breakup, me or my father—who happened to be visiting my sister and me from Nashville, and who had met—and fallen in love with—Josie the day before.


Dad’s greatest fear, as he had shared once too often, was that his eldest son—the spitting image of his own insecurities—would one day end up “broke, single and 40.” (Thanks, Dad.) Now that I was broke, single and 45—but with a great girlfriend—the stakes were high enough for a nosebleed.

On receiving the Dear John email from Josie, my first impulse was to "fix" things—to “un-rock” the boat and get the fun times we were having (read “convenient”) back on track. But Josie wasn’t answering my calls (or emails). Stunned and heartbroken, my father and I drove to the Santa Monica bluffs and sat on a park bench amid the homeless, staring gloomily at the shiny Pacific below.

Fortunately my little sister Mary—a marriage-and-family therapist in her forties—had some great advice: “Buy flowers and drive to her house.”

I scraped together all the cash I had—$16.60—and headed for the Valley, stopping at a flower shop along the way. I still wasn’t convinced that Josie was "The One"—though all my friends were. On three separate occasions, three different longtime friends, upon meeting Josie, looked me in the eyes and said the same words: “Don’t f-(mess) it up.”

I now spent over 30 minutes trying to convince the jaded flower shop owner to give me a $20 of flowers for $16.60. He correctly guessed my predicament, informing me that “all flowers are guilt flowers”…then, after telling me how to walk and carry the flowers when I saw Josie (casually, flowers pointed down, and “Look the bull in the eyes”), he suggested I consider therapy.

Driving to Josie's house with my $16.60 yellow roses and pink gladiolas (not a bad combination), I was now assaulted by my worst c-c-c-c-commitment fears:

What are you doing! If you bring Josie flowers, she’ll forgive you…and then she’ll love you even more! And for what—a future break-up in which I get to play the bad guy? Are you sure you want to take this thing deeper? She broke up with you; you’re off the hook!

Maybe this relationship wasn’t meant to be, after all. Josie wasn’t really “my type” (i.e. unhealthy, aloof, unavailable). And I definitely missed that euphoric “in-love” feeling that sexy, neurotic women (who trigger my unresolved child-parent issues) so deftly inspire. Surely I could find someone better—if only I held out for a few more (forty?) years.

That was the devil, on my left shoulder. The right-shoulder angel offered a different point of view, reminding me of some very wise advice a guy in my men’s group had shared: “Put on sunscreen and bask in her love.”

Copyright © 2007 Todd Coleman
todd@craftsmanpictures.com

Tomorrow, Part II of A True Peter Pan Story

Martin & Debbie: Part II

For Debbie and Martin, the Lord used the Internet to bring them together. This is part of a series of testimonies from former singles.

How did you know he/she was the "one"?
Martin: I prayed all of my life to find someone with the qualities and characteristics of Debbie. I pictured myself many times praying every morning with someone with the same desire to follow God every single day of our lives. I had a vision of sharing my life with someone with a sense of mission to impact the world in the name of Jesus. I believe I saw her face when I was in my teenage years. When I saw Debbie the first time, I felt the voice of God telling me: “stop your search, she is your other half”.

Debbie: I remember the exact moment. I gave him a ride to LAX as he was leaving for a mission trip to Guatemala for two weeks. Up until that point we were “just friends,” but we talked and saw each other daily. I can’t explain it but I started missing him just thinking about him being gone and I realized how much I grew fond of this person. The thought of him being out of touch for two weeks drove me crazy. I didn’t realize how much I had taken his friendship for granted.

Then while we were unloading his luggage out of my car we hugged good-bye and then it happened…..we kissed. It was so natural and then he literally had to run off because he was late. We missed each other terribly while he was gone. We officially got together when he returned. There is truth to that saying; ”You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone”.

Is he/she what you had expected? If not, how did you overcome those original expectations?
Martin: Debbie is what I have expected all of my life.
Debbie: Was Jesus what they expected? Martin did not arrive to our first date riding a donkey, but he was not what I expected. That old myth that we are attracted to our Father figure was very true for me. Unfortunately not a good thing since my dad was a professional body builder, womanizer and alcoholic. I grew up believing everything was about how things “appeared” and to brush problems under the carpet. This transferred on to my first marriage to a buff, wealthy, good looking man with an exciting job as a fire fighter. He made me feel validated because I was with him. Of course he didn’t know the Lord but I believed I was going to save him. I didn’t realize this minor technicality could possibly be that important. EH! Wrong answer! He was selfish and greedy and yep you guessed it, a big drinker. Six months in to the marriage he filed for divorce and I learned the hard way it’s easier to pull somebody down than to lift somebody up.

After seven years and much counseling, I met my husband Martin on line. Right away we were both comfortable sharing about the Lord. When we first met, my initial thought was “He has a twinkle in his eye." My second one was “Well he is kind of overweight and needs to shave that mustache.” I was not attracted to him at first but we had so much fun hanging out together and sharing about our love for Christ that we were always talking. Whenever I would go on other dates I would try to talk about the Lord but they didn’t have the same passion Martin and I had. This went on for about 6 months and along the way Martin had become one of my best friends. I was so blessed by his company that I almost hadn’t noticed all the weight he lost. He started taking care of his body and yep shaved his moustache.

Knowing what you know about marriage now, what would you have done differently as a single person?
Martin: I think I needed to be more patient and never compromise my faith in search of my future wife. When I married the first time, I lost my patience and I lowered my expectations. Now, I can see my wife and I can fully understand the lives of biblical figures like Abraham. God always wants the best for us; we just need to be patient.

Debbie: No Missionary dating. I believe even Christians can be “unequally yoked”. Just trust God 100% and always pray but remember to keep your mouth shut long enough to listen. ;o)

There are many women over 35, over 40, over 45 who read this blog. What advise would you give them about preparing for a husband? About waiting?
Martin: Look for someone who shares your faith and your desire for God. Never compromise your faith because when we compromise our faith, we bargain with our commitment with God. Don’t base your decisions on loneliness and desperation. At the same time, ask God for discernment to identify that person that would be your friend, your companion, your spouse, your life partner, your prayer partner, your lover, your support, someone who will be there for you in spite of any difficulty or obstacle.

Debbie: Don’t believe the myth “You need a significant other to be happy”. This is possibly the biggest lie out there and arguably the one that most of us believe. ANYBODY is NOT better than nobody. I like the way the Message Bible describes it in Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack, than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”

Don't get me wrong, a relationship with the right person is a wonderful experience and well worth the effort. But, if you're looking for someone to fill an empty spot in your heart, you're asking for trouble and will end up disappointed. If you're not happy with your life, now is a great time to look at the reasons why. Take a good long look at what you're really feeling. As Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge.” Work on your self-esteem so you do not easily compromise. Everything we do, (good and bad) begins with one little step. Have peace with yourself! If your opinion of yourself is healthy you are much better equipped to face whatever challenges the world throws at you. If you have low self-esteem (and many of us do) the first thing you need to realize is that you can't keep looking to other people to validate your existence. You must get to a place where you like yourself, by yourself, if you're going to make a relationship a success. If you rely on a partner, or a parent, or a boss for your self image you're putting a lot of power into the hands of another person. If your desire is to get married try to become a whole person. This is the only time two halves will not equal one, because the TWO became one.

Martin and Debbie's Testimony: Part I

This is Martin and Debbie's journey of service and healing and a divine encounter through cyber-space. They met in December 2004 and married April 2006. God does answer prayers!

What was the toughest part of being single? How did you encourage yourself?
Martin: The toughest part for me was to be patient that there was a person to share my life with. The way I encouraged myself was with prayer and trusting that God would bring that person into my life.

Debbie: The toughest thing for me was having to change my own oil. Seriously, as a single parent trying to find the time to date was always an obstacle. I used to pray and journal my feelings a lot. I always believed the Lord was going to send me a Godly husband and He spoke clearly to me to write down the things I did not like about being single, so that WHEN I got married and the enemy tried to make me think the grass was greener on the other side, I could go back and read my journal as a reminder. This has been a wonderful gift and I encourage it for all singles. Of course you need to write down the good things as well.

What was the best part of being single?
Martin: The fact that every action I took only affected myself. When you share your life with someone, you have to think twice before doing something. You have to make decisions in your life based on consensus in what is best for the whole family.

Debbie: I could be selfish for awhile and only deal with what I needed. I could attend any service or conference I wanted without having to check in with anyone else’s calendar. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends and sharing our dating nightmares.

During your single hood, how did you spend you time i.e. did you date alot, pray, use Internet dating?
Martin: I didn’t date a lot. I dedicated a lot of time for prayer and spiritual growth. I discovered many of the spiritual disciplines practiced by early Christians. I spent a lot of time with my daughters and with some of my best friends. By the end of 2004, I joined Christian Café and started communicating with some women.

Debbie: I was very active at my church, serving on the prayer team, doing outreaches and co-founded a Christian Singles Network (3D Productions). I spent a lot of time taking classes to improve my relationship skills for when God sent me the one and I went through inner healing counseling. Most of my weekends were spent with a great group of friends. A few of us were trying various Internet dating sites.

How did you meet one another?
Martin: I believe God used the Internet (Christian Café) for both of us to meet. We have gone through similar experiences in our lives and we both have a passion for serving God and for impacting the lives of others through our own examples. I believe God has been in the middle of our relationship from the beginning of our journey. We have seen God move in powerful ways, and we have seen the enemy try to destroy our relationship. However, God has been our rock that has been holding our lives and our relationship.

Debbie: We met on-line. I was impressed with how his love for the Lord shined even through his profile and how he was so humble and kind and did not “try” to impress me with a bunch of bragging. In fact, Martin and I chatted several times before he finally told me he was a pastor. In one of our first conversations when we were “just friends,” the Lord told us He would replace what the locusts had eaten. At the time I wasn’t sure what He meant but it always stayed with me.

I was always so busy serving at my church that I never had the chance to see Martin preach. One day after we were engaged, we put together an evening benefit service to raise money for a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was my first time seeing him preach and I couldn’t believe how anointed and dynamic he was! I was in awe and wondering why the Lord hadn’t shown me this BEFORE we got engaged. Later, Martin shared that his ex wife only married him because of his Sr. Pastor “status”. She loved the preacher, but not the man and soon after they were married, she left him for another man. I know the Lord wanted to show Martin that I loved him for him and not for his gifts. We knew it was God’s perfect timing and He IS making everything new again.

Tomorrow, Part II of Martin and Debbie's story.

This Is Our Story: Mike & Jenny (Part II)

She a widow at age 39, He a bachelor who had vowed never to touch another woman's lips til they touched his wife's...they finally did at age 45.

Mike and Jenny worked side by side for many years . But the prayers of the saints reached the throne-room.

They prayed…..
Send Jenny a man who will cherish her.
Send Mike a woman of God
We pray that what God has in mind would be accomplished in Mike and Jenny’s life.

Like the sounds of birds rising with a spring morning, the Holy Spirit began to sow the seeds of possibilities among those surrounding Mike and Jenny.

One by one, unspoken words began to rise in people’s spirits. “What about Mike & Jenny?” “Nah,” some retorted to themselves. “They’re like brother and sister!?.”

Then….. The Holy Spirit whispered to Mike. “What about Jenny?”
and Mike thought, “Jenny? She’s my sister….. She’s my friend.”
The Spirit’s voice grew louder and louder. “What about Jenny?”

Then his eyes were opened to the possibility…… and he began to see her differently. With all the patience he had gained in his 12-year wait, he waited again as Jenny walked in her mourning and sought the Lord.

Then! Lattes….. Notes….. Fresh flowers…... And chocolates began to adorn Jenny’s office desk. The courtship was on. Their friendship deepened. Trust grew. And one day, the same Holy Spirit breathed into Jenny’s heart. “Awaken. …… it’s time.” And the twinkle in her eye said “Not yet…. Is no more.” And, the embers quickly became a flame.

This is our story. It’s the story of what God has done for us.

Mike and Jenny were wed in November 2007 and are expecting their first child.

Tomorrow, learn from Martin's and Debbie's journey of service and healing.

This Is Our Story: Mike & Jenny - Part I

She a widow at age 39, He a bachelor who had vowed never to touch another woman's lips til they touched his wife's...they finally did at age 46.

This is a story of God’s faithfulness. It’s the story of Mike and Jenny, set apart for God’s purposes.

I, Mike, vowed that my lips would never touch another woman’s lips….. Until they touched the lips of my bride. Set aside for God’s best, I waited…….I waited, sometimes with loneliness at my side.

Years passed. During that time, I was being changed from the inside out……..from a guy who lived an abundant life in the world…….. To a guy who was learning to live the more abundant life…….. Which is in Christ. I began to walk with God and to realize that He had the perfect wife for me. So, I waited …….and prayed, “Lord, prepare me for her and prepare her for me.”

During my wait, I saw three presidential elections ……and y2k come and go. Still, I waited …stretched in patience. I waited 12 long years.

Bring her into my life, I prayed. Many women surrounded me, but I cared only for the one – my wife.

So…….. I waited.

I, Jenny, have seen the hand of my Redeemer lift my veil of tears. A widow. ...In the wake of death, I saw the face of reconciliation. “Go, begin anew,” it said.

A mantle of prayer was my cloak of comfort. Saints gathered round me and I found that I was not alone. We will carry you, they said. He - the Lord - will carry you. And in my weakness, I leaned on His comfort, often made flesh in my brothers and sisters.

At the cross, I met my King. He was enough. At the cross I began to sing. Tunes of sadness became songs of deliverance. So broken …..who could make anything of these many pieces……..but Jesus, my King.

At the cross, He lifted my head and in the mirror of His eyes, I found who He created me to be. So, I clutched to His promises of redemption and restoration.

At the cross, even then you were there. But, I called you friend – Mike – my brother. I even prayed for your wife. I saw Christ, my king in you. But, I called you friend. I called you brother.

Tomorrow, Part II.....

Where to Wait for Mr. Right

Location. Location. Location. Like Dr. Phil says .... hang out at target-rich environments. Well, ladies, this weekend I was a witness to this principle unfold in living color.

I was waiting for my order at a restaurant in Malibu when all of a sudden I noticed about a half-dozen people clicking away their cameras with very long noses. They were all aiming in the same direction, toward a tall guy removing his jacket while standing next to a sports car. At first, I thought they were a bunch of over-zealous tourists. Believe it or not, they were paparazzi shooting at James Bond! No kidding. Well, ok, it was the actor Pierce Brosnan who played James Bond. Looking statuesque, elegant and debonair, he stood by his fancy car waiting for his full-figured female companion. No, it wasn't me.

No sooner had James Bond escaped in his sports car, when the gang of long nosed-cameras began to chase after another guy. This time, it was heavy-weight champion Mike Tyson. Who is next? I thought. OK, I confess that I secretly wished Keanu Reeves would have stopped by and then we would have sped away in his motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway into the sunset.

I couldn't help myself but I, too, decided to stick my nose into the mix and asked one of the paparazzi how he had known that this parade of stars was going to be here at this time. He said that he had been there since early morning just waiting without anything happening. It wasn't until now (about 6 p.m.) that they had spotted celebs. This persevering and patient paparazzi had found a target-rich environment for his target.

Maybe Dr. Phil was right all along. OK...I'll start praying about finding my target-rich environment too. I may have to return to Malibu.....Stay tuned!

By the way, next week, Singles Out Loud will host three couples who crossed the bridge from single hood to matrimony. They will share their stories about single hood and how they met their mates.

Prayer for Unity

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Eccl. 4:9)

Some friends and I recently attended an after-church (not mine) singles' event where most were over 35. No one welcomed us or spoke with us. As a matter of fact, they simply waved us out into another part of the restaurant where no one either representing the group or any individual attempted to speak with us.

As I looked around, I noticed the blank looks in the individuals who sat in their own island-like clusters. I wonder if a single person's isolation or loneliness can become an intimate friend that accompanies them wherever they go, even in group settings.

So, today I just wanted to pray that the Lord would unite singles for encouragement, genuine relationships and powerful prayer that will change the tide of single hood in this country.

Here's my prayer for singles today:

Lord, we thank you that you have called us into relationship with you -
with the One who knows every star by name,
Who created even much more than what we could ever imagine.
We invite you, Jesus, to step now into the islands that we have created
and begin to renew and strengthen our hearts
to walk across the bridges that you want to build from one island to many others.
Unite us so that we might come as a mighty army to fulfill your purpose in our lives
because two are better than one
and a cord of three strands is not easily broken.
In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Finding the Funny Bone in Online Dating

Do you remember all the Bible stories about how couples would meet at the well? Abraham's servant found Isaac's future wife at the well or spring. Then Jacob found his future wife Rachel at the well. It just seems as if there was alot of socializing by these wells. What about now? Have all the wells dried up?

It felt that way one lonely night until I heard these seductive words "Imagine finding the one person in the world with whom you are meant to be...." It was an ad from e-harmony. I prayed about it as I try to do before venturing into the dating-sphere and I signed up for the three-month adventure.

BTW, if you're discerning if you should take a leap into cyber-dating, you may want to read Ten Points to Ponder About Online Dating by Carolyn McCulley who wrote Did I Kiss Marriage Good-bye? and the blog SoloFeminity. And, the co-ed blog, The Love Doug-ter: Thoughts on Adult Christian Singleness recently featured an entry, To Click or Not to Click, that gives a guys' point of view on cyber-dating tips.

Of course, every one's journey in eharmony is unique to them, but I found the men to be alot older and with some funny criteria. Take for example, the 45-year-old pastor who was impressively spiritual and biblical as one would expect from a pastor. The spirituality tapered somewhat - at least in my eyes - when he underscored that he couldn't live without an attractive helpmate to work with him. OK, I thought, men are visual, so can I really judge him on that criteria?

Then...his profile indicated that he must have a spouse who has saved herself sexually for marriage. Hmmm. Let's see. He's 45. I may be wrong in my interpretation but could he be dreaming of a 20-something year- old? But, wait. He adds another must-have ingredient. She must be willing to "explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding." I won't go any further with this one....Just laugh, I say.

But the funniest one was the guy whose answer to the question about the things he can't live without was....Reese's peanut butter cups! He was very cute..... and round.

I later decided to try another well....Christian Cafe. That's when a friend and I discovered, after comparing funny emails, that we were being cyber-courted by the same guy who referred to both of us as "princess." All the while, I had thought I alone held that coveted crown.

The email that almost made my funny bone break because I couldn't contain the laughter was this completely unedited note:

the smile on your face really put me on. i just imagine what great you cold do in my lifge with that, as i have seen that in a few years now..how are you mind showing me the angel you are? and the powers of your smile...cheers you are really admirable.

You know.... all I can do is keep laughing and loving God, loving - only from afar - the guys who have made me laugh on the internet. Why? Because God calls us to love. And, I say we have to have a sense of humor in cyber-dating. So, just laugh!

Books for Singles

When was the last time you heard a teaching from the pulpit on how to find your spouse? It's been awhile for me...come to think of it....never.

Could that be why millions of Christian singles are turning to the bookstores for answers? And, admittedly many of us have even turned to secular books and resources seeking advise on why we're still single...how to be single...or how not to be single.

Dr. Phil McGraw and Greg Behrendt (He's Just Not That Into You) offer some helpful advise, if you can sift through many of the moral issues that don't align with Christ-followers.

Greg's book, for example, helped me better understand guys. Ladies, if a guy doesn't call you after meeting you, guess what? He's just not into you. He hit me with a reality big stick and I now don't make excuses about why a guy doesn't call.

In Dr. Phil.com (Advice: How to Land Your Man), the love doc says, "Leave the house. Visit target-rich environments. Think about where this type of guy would hang out - a target-rich environment - and go there."

Some places Dr. Phil suggests going are: church or temple, batting cages, sporting events, bars, music festival, art galleries, parks, philanthropic group events, bookstores, coffee shops and hardware stores. With the exception of bars and batting cages, I've frequented these places and nada (that's Spanish for nothing).

Maybe I missed something, so back to the bookstore. Voila! Dr. Henry Cloud, author of "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping (Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back)" gave me a few more pointers. Did you know that God can speak to us through books?

The good doc recommends meeting five new men each week, anywhere and everywhere, and striking up a conversation with them. WIth my lifestyle as an entrepreneur, though, I found this exercise exhausting. But, it helped me discover that it takes attitude to meet guys. And, since my mind was heavy with other attitudes.....well, what can I say....this exercise didn't work for me back then.

But, Dr. Cloud addresses this common issue among singles in his book. He pointed out a single woman who had alot of guy friends. When Dr. Cloud's married friend described her, he said, "Her open heart invites them, and they sense she is warm and safe."

This Christian love doctor said it well. "The state of someone's internal world of attitudes, openness and fears has a lot to do with what happens in the outside world, especially in the world of dating."

When all is said and read, it comes down to one thing. What does God want us to do or not do on our journey as singles? On bended knees.....